I like to swap the word Veterinarian for Vegetarian when the time is right. The time is always right with kids. You can just tell them you don’t eat meat because you are a Veterinarian. It usually dawns on them that something sounded fishy, but it’s a pretty clean play on words. I also like to interchange the words Telemarketer and Telemarker. This one is more for the adults in the room, and if it is played right, timed perfectly, and spoken with conviction, I can even get an adult or two to double take on me. That is because I prefer back country snowboarding to telemarketing. Or those fucking Telemarkers! Always calling me, trying to sell me something!! My favorite word swap of them all is the one I use on real special occasions only. That would be Milano and Mulatto. Been doing it since 1996, because as everybody knows, Derek Jeter is the greatest Milano to every play the game of baseball. If I play this one right, perhaps I say it as I am leaving the room, it usually turns out to be one of the better feather ruffling, shock value(esque) devices that I put in motion. Sometimes it’s even the Jeter part that does the ruffling. Many more times than not, somebody corrects me immediately by saying, “You mean Mulatto.” Anyway you slice it, #2 for the Yankees plays the game pretty sweet.
Just When You Thought