Deep Thoughts by Whoa Guy

it was 9ish.  in the am.  it had rained all night.  i got on my piece of shit bike and zig zagged my way to hwy 200.  lots of big clouds billowing amongst the tall mountains.  the air was clear.  it was both warm and cool.  probably 75.  i had a shirt on.  the front derailer on my piece of shit bicycle was rusted stuck in the small ring.  nothing i could do about it at the moment.  i was feeling good though.  a tailwind was in affect, and mostly downhill where i was going.  i was headed to main beach hoping to see some monsters get ridden.  the indicator flag was showing medium offshores.  again, i was in the zone, and had so many reasons to feel that way too.  more than anything, i was grateful & satisfied.

and then i saw the dead dog laying in the highway.  now if a similar sketch could be drawn up in The States, it likely wouldn’t have been a dog afterall.  it would have been a skunk, raccoon, maybe a cat.  if it were a dog in the US, there would have been five people crying, one person suing, two policeman policing, a pet insurance agent, a pet cemetery rep, and 20+ lookie-loos.  here in puerto, there was a dead fucking dog on the road.  a young dingo style female.  blood and guts everywhere.  eyes were closed.  if that dog were mine, it would be alive today, and, after a life filled with every possible opportunity to understand mankind, that dog would die a different death.  but this dog wasn’t mine.

when i first came here in 2005, that dog would have been mine.  when i began coming here in the winter for two months time, that dog would have been mine.  the past few years, as two months were converted to six months, that damn dog just might have been mine.  but today…that dog wasn’t mine.  i gestured up.  i thought about a dog or three.  but that was it.  there was a dead dog on the highway, and it was my time to deal straight.  at least it was good and dead i thought.  versus perhaps a starving, dying dog.  i decided to handle the situation like the dogs mother, brother, or pack buddy would have coped with the plight.  i put it behind me, and rambled on down the road.

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Movin’ On Up

I’m movin’ on up, to the south side

To a deluxe apartment a La Punta

I’m movin’ on up, to the south side

I finally got a piece of the Tlayuda


Dogs ain’t tied to a short leash

Plastic don’t burn in the hills

It took a whole lot a trying 

Just to swallow some of them pills


But now I’m up in the fruit trees

Papaya & Mango out the back

A dozen dogs policing, A couple roosters cackling

There ain’t nothin’ wrong with that


Yes I’m movin’ on up, to the south side

With a maid and hot water, two-plus stories high

I’m movin’ on up, to the south side

I finally got a piece of the pie…

Cielito Lindo

i came across the humble man that is respectfully known for consistently shaping and glassing the best surfboards here in puerto escondido.  he was retrieving mangos off his tree with an extension pole connected to a metal bucket.  i had never met him, but i knew who he was.  in person, i was surprised how much he resembled the decal he uses on his boards.  before asking for my name, he asked if i wanted some organic mangos.

we talked about earth, wind, fire, and of course surfing.  i told him that i am new to town again, and that he and i were going to be neighbors for the next six months.  his beautiful daughter came out in the street to watch her daddy be nice and gentle to a “middle-aged man pretending to be a kid.”  i mentioned that i am saving up all my pesos in my very own piggybank so that one day, when i grow up, i can buy one of his boards.

he handed me four mangos.  he told me that the milk like substance oozing out of the skin can potentially wreak havoc if it got on my skin.  i told the nice man that i am indestructible, despite my left foot being swollen 2x the size of my right one.  i noticed his daughter was wearing a pink shirt, and on it was Mickey Mouse playing the piano.  “No se que Mickey Mouse toca el piano?” I said.  she squirmed and looked at Pa.

her father said that his daughter really wants to learn how to play a musical instrument, and all indications seem to be pointing towards the piano.  “the ‘pro-lame’ Aron, there isn’t really anybody in town that has a piano, and certainly nobody that is willing to teach her to play,” said the talented surfboard shaper.  that sucks i thought.  i thanked the man, ‘pounded him out’, and rode my bike without brakes down the steep hill.

Good Omen

He must have chuckled when he heard my promise.  puerto escondido was being sandwiched by Manuel and Ingrid.  heavy rains had made it near impossible to venture out anywhere.  the injury to my foot made all matters laughable.

I told the kid that i would pay ALL my rent up front if he would give me my fair asking price.  his knees wobbled.  he pretended he was uneasy.  he told me that he normally would have to check with his wife.  how cute!  he was using all MY moves.

He agreed to 5000 pesos per month, which is $400 to you and me.  so I needed 25,000 pesos and the ATM only gives out 6000 per day.  so each day, for 4.17 consecutive days, i found a way to get to Central in order to keep my promise.

I think he was surprised at my due diligence.  truth is, i didn’t have to keep my promise.  nobody keeps their promise around here.  i just figured i would perform the unthinkable, hoping that it would lend itself out to a groovy brotherhood.

He handed me the four keys it takes to fruitfully live at his three room hotelito.  two keys for the front door, one key for the gate to the stairs, and one key for the gate to the compound.  the over/under bet on keys lost by March opened at 11.

I asked his age.  he told me he is 37.  i asked him his birthday.  he said June 23rd.  no way..that was my grandmas birthday i told him.  and it’s mine too I said with a wink.  he is 6/23/76, and i am 6/23/67.  numbers can mean everything.

He offered up his truck to help with my move.  i passed on that kind gesture for the time being.  i told him that my game plan was to perform solo on a dozen or so stealth missions using just my backpack and my bicycle.  he understood perfectly.

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Chess Pain

**jimel, is this your email?  please reply.
**Yes sir, this is my email. And im gonna keep beating u in chess (jimel the master) “Im the assassin” You better practice cause im coming in strong, if you don’t you wont even be able to keep up with me. Im just tell in u. From jimel the assassin to hudiny.
**yeah we’ll see tough guy.  right now it’s 3 for you and 2 for me.  beginners luck my young mexican friend.  you ain’t seen nothin yet…
**Jajajaja, Im like Mohamed Ali. I talk but I also do what I say, so watch out brah cause im young, strong, not distracted…
 And that game that we played wasn’t even all what I got, im just testing you ja. watch out, from  JIMEL THE ASSASSIN to hudiny the beginner 
**you ready to play tomorrow assassin?  we can play at your house.  i will bring my set.  and by the way, it’s Houdini.  ok let me know..
44 hours later
Friday The 13th

I showed up lame with ice-cold ice in my hand.  The taxi kid said he couldn’t continue any further, forcing me to limp up the muddy incline towards the iron gate surrounding the compound. I was only 36 hours removed from stepping on something razor sharp with my bare left foot.  Could have used a shot of tetanus.

The boys mother was in the kitchen.  She said her middle son would be home shortly.  I began icing my foot.  Mom brought me some chia seed water and a plate of brown rice with cooked platano.  My foot was freaking killing me.  The Assassin showed up at three sharp.  His younger brother and father led him into the ring.

Before we began, I wanted to make sure he understood the en passant.  He said that he did.  He wanted to make sure that I knew who the current world chess champion was(is).  I told him that I hadn’t a clue.  “Well it was this 19 year old Russian, but a 12 year old boy from India just took him down.”  He opened first.

We played ten games in six fast hours.  I won games 3, 9, and 10.  Throughout the painful ordeal, his mother brought us whole bean soup, and homemade tostadas. After all the rain had fallen, I was searching for excuses.  Not surprisingly, so was The Assassin.  His father drove me home.  Heavy rain had once again begun to fall.


La Punta

i got my shit handed to me again while surfing overhead waves at La Punta.  i am finding out the formidable way that a fluffy lefthander it’s not!  i waited on the way outside for about 30 min., when a ten wave set came storming inland.  after scratching over the tops of a few, and then allowing a few more to barge their way in, i opted to stroke into a meaty one.  i was on my trusty longboard.

at first, i performed a slow motion carve off the top with a splash of sophistication.  i actually remember thinking how good natured the wave seemed.  on my return trip to the lions mouth, i stayed well clear of the whitewash because i knew it to be way more strapping than it tries to appear.  first and foremost, i didn’t want to fall.  falling on the outside has consequences.  i will just leave it at that.

so i wrapped my cutback up fairly abruptly, set my next line, and determined that I was going to connect this wave to the inside section.  talk about consequences!  that meant sidestepping the sucking rock where bunny hopping and showing wave command are measuring devices that can determine whether or not it is a wave worth writing home about.  here is where my fortune cookie crumbled.

first i heard the yell, and this HEY had nothing to do with horses.  a couple of local boys were paddling out through the rocks.  they obviously saw what i didn’t.  my eyes were glued on the the big sucking rock and the next pack of surfers that use the rock as their lineup.  with only so much surplus focus, i hadn’t noticed that the face of my wave was caving in hard just in front of me. i was now in a moment.

and that’s when i unofficially blacked out.  not an official blackout, rather a mental one.  i honestly don’t know what happened next.  outside of making a split decision to play it as safe as i should and could, i can only say that i wish i could see the video replay, because the video wouldn’t lie.  when i snapped out of it, i knew i was in a pinch.  there were about four waves behind it, and i was drained.

uncurious, evil eyes appeared to be on me, but appearances can be deceiving in the ocean during even slight moments of panic.  yes i was still amongst the rocks.  and yes, powerful whitewash was still making its way to me.  but yes, i was in only four feet of water.  four little feet!  well i knew exactly what to do in four feet of water.  during my walk home, i thought about how much safer it is on land.

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This Song Has No Title, Just Words and a Tune

it was a young girl.  she was a wearing a red tank.  couldn’t see her from the waste down because she was on the other side of a waste high, unfinished cement wall.  she was standing on the dirt street in the hot sun.  i was on my computer with the fan on medium.  

i had been down this path a million times prior.  at least a couple hundred.  i knew she had food.  i knew about what it would be.  she would call them quesadillas even though you and me would know them as taquitos.  beads of sweat had taken over her pre-adolecent face.

she asked for a very small sum of money.  i handed her twice that much.  i could see it in her eyes that she was happy and loving.  i could tell by her garments that she was doing her very best.  for a brief two minutes, i felt that she and i meant the world to each other.

Jamaal Charles

Oh Crap!

the wi-fi went sour, i had less than one half hour

time trialed to The Cafecito, ordered the veggie burrito

mopped up all the sweat, logged onto the internet

with 45 seconds to spare, i leaned back in my chair

a ghost town was around, spanish was the sound

60 seconds on the clock, I should have done a mock

but then i heard His voice, the Mighty Allahs choice:

Do Not Go White, Do Not Be Dumb,

Be Sure To Draft The Speedy Muslim!